When I was a kid, I used to take a lot of drugs. Most of them were prescription drugs for an OCD and depression. The very fist pill was in the morning. I hated the stupor feeling during the classes it gave me. It made me unable to focus on anything else, then drawing some silly pictures in my notebook.
I felt very lonely in my feelings, but I was unable to speak about them. Quite fast I understood there were many others like me before. Luckily for me, some of them wrote their emotions down, so I could buy them in a shape of books. That is how I had come across Prozac Nation.
‘Very early in my life it was too late.’ I read it and I knew, it was about me. I repeated this sentence in my head over and over again. Eventually, I believed it.
It is 17 years since I read it the first time. Many good and bad things have happened in that time. I have changed. I do not take drugs anymore. I do not give myself this fake happiness. I take life as it is. I do not believe everything I read. I let others experience on their own same as I let myself do so. This year I even have discovered I am happy. Such a funny discovery it was, caught me by surprise while having a morning coffee.
I do not believe anymore that it was ever too late for me. Possibly, it was more comfortable to believe so. I didn’t have to do anything. I got deeper and deeper into this nothingness and enjoyed unhappiness, every now and than writing a beautiful poem about it.
I believe I was unhappy as long as I chose to be so. I believe, I am happy, cos I make a different choice now.
Funny, how much depends only on us.
I wish you to choose happiness.
STARRING: vintage denim RIFLE/top ATMOSPHERE/sandals and sunnies H&M/backpack ADIDAS