LEARNING TO SAY 'NO'

It is a rule, I do not write much about my personal life, but as we say in Poland, there is an exception to each rule. Today I decided to make such and share a personal experience. It may help me and enrich you, so let’s give it a try.

So, some time ago I have noticed that I am balancing on the line between easygoing and pushed over. Its like I am unable to say ‘No’ to my closest people and I feel obliged to agree on everything. That discovery surprised me. I am a strong and independent woman, at work managing dozens of people and strongly fighting for my teams and I was so busy being invincible at work, I forgot to somehow maintain my private life… When did I lose my opinion? Damn… That is very bad, I thought and decided to seek help.

dsc_0240At first, the army of friends came to the rescue. I was deaf even to the best reasoning. It’s like we spoke two different languages and I could not understand what they say. Feeling helpless, I decided to meet someone trained in dealing with bad listeners, like myself. I decided to pay a visit to a psychologist.

I am used to psychologists. I used to visit a few when I was a child and I know how it works. I approached this experience with the plan. First I told him (my psychologist is a man), where the problem is (saying ‘No’) then I described what I am afraid to loose (myself, lol). Then I listened, what he think of all that.

As you can imagine, he advised to say ‘No’ every time I feel it has to be said (No surprises here). He advised to start small, not get scared with the outcomesΒ  and patiently do it over and over again. Happy with this advice, I scheduled next session, thanked him and went home.

So simple, I thought, so simple.

The next day I sat with my friend drinking coffee when I received a text asking to do this and that. I have followed the instruction and did whatever was asked of me in a speed of light. My friend looked at me then and said:screen-shot-2016-11-012

Do you know, you agreed to everything even though you shouldn’t have? What happened with the idea of saying ‘No’ to unreasonable requests?

We sat for a moment in silence. Apparently the process of learning to say ‘No’, won’t be as easy and simple as I expected, cos changing habits is a challenge.

Do you also struggle with saying ‘No’? What are your experiences with psychologists? Let me know.

Stay awesome!
Anja

0 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Irini says:

    I too struggle with saying no, it fills me up with unreasonable guilt that goes on for days. I understand how you feel so please keep us updated, maybe others like me will benefit from your story πŸ™‚

  2. bdarielle says:

    I struggle with saying no too, but the odd thing is I don’t have a problem sticking up for myself. When I feel like my opinions are being brushed under a rug, I do say something. I hate confrontation so by saying yes to things, I’m avoiding conflict. However, I will say no if it’s something I feel very strongly about and will affect me in a serious way. So it comes and goes…

  3. You are right when you say habits aren’t easy to break. To me, saying No protects me from certain things; things I don’t want to do/don’t feel like doing/uncomfortable. I used to feel guilty but I think it’s silly to feel that way. In fact, none of us should feel guilty because we all have a choice. If you feel that you’re capable of helping the other person, say Yes. If not, let them ask another person who can (shift your mindset and think: the other person could provide better advise/solutions etc.). If you’re not sure whether you want to say Yes, let them know you’ll get back to them. Don’t feel pressured to give your answer there and then. Think and evaluate, weigh your pros and cons and listen to yourself! Once you pass the hump (of saying No), things get easier. πŸ™‚

    1. anjage says: Author

      Saying ‘no’ is a challenge and I feel like its a fight with the entire universe… Thanks for your words, cos reassured that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, I have strength to continue changing my mind set. πŸ™‚ Have a lovely week!

    1. anjage says: Author

      Thank you πŸ™‚ Yeah, it is not always easy, but challenges help to become better, so I try not to complain… hahah πŸ˜€

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