It is a rule, I do not write much about my personal life, but as we say in Poland, there is an exception to each rule. Today I decided to make such and share a personal experience. It may help me and enrich you, so let’s give it a try.
So, some time ago I have noticed that I am balancing on the line between easygoing and pushed over. Its like I am unable to say ‘No’ to my closest people and I feel obliged to agree on everything. That discovery surprised me. I am a strong and independent woman, at work managing dozens of people and strongly fighting for my teams and I was so busy being invincible at work, I forgot to somehow maintain my private life… When did I lose my opinion? Damn… That is very bad, I thought and decided to seek help.
At first, the army of friends came to the rescue. I was deaf even to the best reasoning. It’s like we spoke two different languages and I could not understand what they say. Feeling helpless, I decided to meet someone trained in dealing with bad listeners, like myself. I decided to pay a visit to a psychologist.
I am used to psychologists. I used to visit a few when I was a child and I know how it works. I approached this experience with the plan. First I told him (my psychologist is a man), where the problem is (saying ‘No’) then I described what I am afraid to loose (myself, lol). Then I listened, what he think of all that.
As you can imagine, he advised to say ‘No’ every time I feel it has to be said (No surprises here). He advised to start small, not get scared with the outcomes and patiently do it over and over again. Happy with this advice, I scheduled next session, thanked him and went home.
So simple, I thought, so simple.
The next day I sat with my friend drinking coffee when I received a text asking to do this and that. I have followed the instruction and did whatever was asked of me in a speed of light. My friend looked at me then and said:
Do you know, you agreed to everything even though you shouldn’t have? What happened with the idea of saying ‘No’ to unreasonable requests?
We sat for a moment in silence. Apparently the process of learning to say ‘No’, won’t be as easy and simple as I expected, cos changing habits is a challenge.
Do you also struggle with saying ‘No’? What are your experiences with psychologists? Let me know.