One week ago I decided to change my life by allowing myself to say ‘No’. When deciding to become assertive, I forgot I am not a lonely unit hanging in a vacuum. I didn’t realize my actions will affect others and that they may not like it. And you know what is the worst? These affected people, they wanna fight.
People used to me being an adjustable pushover felt personally insulted by an idea of me rejecting any of their requests. And so here I am, face to face with a person with whom I disagree and I literally do not know how to deal with him/her. Let me specify who am I referring to. These people aren’t strangers I meet on the street. They are my closest friends, coworkers or family members. These people are the ones I care about and from whom I was expecting support ].
I have entered a scheme that goes like this: I say ‘No’. -> Interlocutor gets confused and often angry. -> Nasty words are said, weird things are done. -> I believe that ONLY by saying ‘Yes’ I can bring peace to the universe. OMG, such a responsibility on shoulders of one tiny person. I realized that the disappointment from my environment was what brought me to this situation in the first place. Am I going to make other people’s lives a misery from now on? Hm, doesn’t sound glamorous.
The arguable point appears to be something called ‘not a big deal’, which should convince to do whatever is needed. ‘It shouldn’t be a big deal for you’ seems to be a spell, which works on me like a charm, no wand required ;). And so, as I had to do something about it, I start to question things. I philosophize. If it is not a big deal for me to say ‘Yes’, why is it a big deal for you when I say ‘No’?
I understood now that being assertive is prioritizing my needs. This breakthrough made me realize I can think of myself every now and then without impacting the world. Yes, it took me a while, but now I know: no one dies when I eat Chinese instead of Indian food and also no one dies when you eat Indian instead of Chinese once in awhile. Now I know that all 7 billion people are safe independently of my food choices. Such a burden off my shoulders, I can eat out again.
For now, saying ‘No’ seems to be a never-ending fight with the universe, but I have to take it, though and hopefully, after the fight is over not only me but everybody are happy. Being assertive is the art of balance between egoism and altruism. I have to keep this balance and no one will get hurt. Fingers crossed 😉
How do you feel about your life choices? Does it come easily to you to say ‘No’?