Recently I started using Tinder, and I could not have more fun. Swiping right, swiping left… It feels slightly superficial, but in the times of instant culture app with instant, disposable lovers was inevitable. And so here I am, with greasy hair and in my pjs, lying on my very own bed, watching a tv series, and judging others basing my opinions only on their appearance.
The other day, I was sitting in the office, chatting with one guy with whom I have just matched, feeling super fabulous. I closed the app to grab a coffee and reopened it, only to discover that the guy has unmatched me in the meantime. I was like: WTF! What an as****e! How could he do that?
I’m embarrassed to admit that, but I felt deeply, personally insulted by being unmatched. My self-esteem crushed the ground and I wrote D4R14 to ask her how is that even possible. I felt like this unmatch was the most horrible thing that could have ever happened to me and that it most definitely makes the guy the biggest monster of them all.
“It’s a funny thing about the modern world. You hear girls in the toilets of clubs saying, “Yeah, he fuc*ed off and left me. He didn’t love me. He just couldn’t deal with love. He was too fucked up to know how to love me.” Now, how did that happen? What was it about this unlovable century that convinced us we were, despite everything, eminently lovable as a people, as a species? What made us think that anyone who fails to love us is damaged, lacking, malfunctioning in some way? And particularly if they replace us with a god, or a weeping madonna, or the face of Christ in a ciabatta roll—then we call them crazy. Deluded. Regressive. We are so convinced of the goodness of ourselves, and the goodness of our love, we cannot bear to believe that there might be something more worthy of love than us, more worthy of worship. Greeting cards routinely tell us everybody deserves love. No. Everybody deserves clean water. Not everybody deserves love all the time.”*
Tinder is not about love, at least not by default. It is about meeting people, having sweet talks, getting the attention, but mainly it is about the play. And so, here I was, filling my head with all these confidence boosting rules of it and refusing other players right to reject me. Along the way, I forgot that Tinder is, in fact, a game. It is like Pokemon Go and you gotta catch them all. And so matching and unmatching doesn’t have a real value unless I give it one myself.
I realized not only that Tinder is just a game, I also understood, I won’t meet anybody through it, unless I really honestly want to. I pondered on this idea for a while, but then I continued swiping left and right. I am only a human after all.
Do you have any experience with this or other apps for singles? Let me know your thought in comments below 🙂
STARRING: coat ROSEGAL (HERE)/pants VINTAGE LEVIS 525/top BERSHKA/shoes VANS