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Last week I posted an article about fighting depression. The article got a lot of positive feedback what made me happy. This super positive mood stayed with me until next morning. Few days after, I got a negative comment criticizing my article. A reader did not like that I share my ways to fighting mental illness and commented that I may not only affect people negatively but also that it makes me responsible for their possible failures.

My article was not to propagate neglecting medical treatments that shall accompany mental illnesses. What I meant was to point out that medication should be accompanied by therapy and training the behaviors. Whatever my intention was, though, I got scared that the reader is right.

One day has passed. Then the next one. I kept receiving positive feedback for exactly the same article, but couldn’t stop to worry. I couldn’t stop thinking about this one negative feedback. How is it possible that with 20 positive comments, the only one that I have in my head is the negative one?

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Learning how to deal with this negativity I found TEDx video. Alison Ledgerwood describes in it my problem. She explains it with the experiment she conducted. Within two groups of people, she and her partner were presenting the same facts but in two perspectives. One group was learning about a medical procedure that has 70% rate of success and other about exactly same procedure but described as having 30 % rate of failure. As expected people liked the procedure seeing it through its successes and didn’t when seeing it through fails. That was not the end of the experiment, though. Then Alison and her partner tried to shift participants perspectives. To the first group, they advised seeing the procedure through 30 % failure rate, and to the second group seeing it through its 70% success rate. This shift of perspective caused the first group to stop liking the procedure but didn’t cause the second group to like it.

These results were surprising, so following curiosity, Alison and her partner conducted another experiment. This time they gave participants a simple math problem but presented from two perspectives of gain or losses. In results, they have learned that it took approximately 7 seconds to solve the puzzle when converting from gains to losses and more than 11 seconds when converting from losses to gains. It means that it took participants far longer to solve the puzzle shifting from losses to gains.

What I learned from these experiments and Alison’s speech is that it is easier to be brought down to negatives, than to be brought up to positives. As she says it takes (almost) physical work to convert your thinking.

Unfortunately, our minds are created to pick up from environment all the bad things first, not noticing the good ones but let’s do not stick to this pessimistic vision. Our behaviors and our minds can be easily trained and we can learn how to pick up from everyday events what is positive.

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Maybe some of you recall, me mentioning a while ago, a reason why I started blogging. My very first idea of the blog was to have a daily journal of five things that made me proud of myself that day. It was my way to bring positives to my mind. It took only a few weeks for me to shift my thinking and start seeing all that is good all around. With time I have learned few more ways to exercise my thinking. Here are practices that help me to go through the day without sticking to negatives:

Listing each day things I am grateful for helps me to appreciate what I have and forget these things that I don’t have.

Calming down anxieties through practices that help me to keep balance and peace in my mind such as yoga, meditation or spending time in nature.

Keep my mind focused on following my daily schedule, causes I lack time to fall in despair. (it sounds dramatic, but works like a charm)

Cos I can’t be positive while being hungry, thirsty or tired.

Sharing my positive energy causes people around me to be happier. Happier people create a positive environment, therefore there is no place for negativity.

Following my passion gives me satisfaction, what later on results in feeling happier.

And on the more positive side for the end of this post, I looove these mules <3 What do you think of them?

How do you fight sticking to negatives? What are your ways to go through the day with positive vibes? Let me know, I would love to learn something new.

Stay awesome!


shirt LECOMTE (thrifted)/ denim LEVIS (thrifted)/bag ZARA (thrifted)/

shoes (HERE) & glasses H&M


55 comments / Add your comment below

  1. 3C Style says:

    Well first let me say: Love the mules! Gorgeous. This post is concise, includes good tips and is based on your experience which makes it even more interesting. As a scientific journalist, I really liked the fact that you used a research study to explain your point. We must be in the same mindset because I also recently wrote a post on a similar subject: how to manage a well balanced life. I share in that post a few tips on how to reduce stress. Have a look whenever you have time. Anyway, remember the most important part of my message: I really enjoyed reading your post! Stay strong and stylish. -Dominique

    1. Anja says: Author

      Thank you, thank you for this kind feedback. It means a lot! <3 Yeah, we do have it. In my case I think it is related to changing seasons. For me it is bit more challenging to stay focused and positive, when there is so much less sun around. We all need a lot of positive energy. And to spread more tips and thought on how to do it, I will link to your post my Sunday readings, if you don’t mind. πŸ™‚

  2. absolutely loved this article! there are always going to be negative people, but as long as your intentions were good, that’s all that matters! love your outfit btw! xo

  3. nailaalexi says:

    Love how you responded in this article, there are people who can’t help but see the negative in everything and don’t take the time to understand the purpose in something.

    Really cute look you have going on over there

    1. Anja says: Author

      I am glad you noticed it, cos yeah, I wanted this article to be a response πŸ˜€ Thanks for reading and nice words! Have a good day!

  4. Andrea says:

    Thank you for sharing this post Anja!! I’m trying to shift the way I think as well, and even though sometimes it’s hard, I feel a lot better now and I know it’s a matter of training and practice.

    Love the mules too! πŸ™‚


    Seize your Style

    1. Anja says: Author

      Thanks, these mules are my go to now <3 Wishing you all the positive thoughts in the world πŸ™‚

    1. Anja says: Author

      I loved to make a research to create this article, so I really appreciate you liked it. I think I will do it more often πŸ˜€ Thank you for reading!

  5. latemojito says:

    I seem to have the same issue. I tend to focus on that little bad thing instead of focusing on the big, shiny picture. So, I truly relate to you. “People’s opinions might be good or bad, and they still have nothing to do with you”. So, try to accept all kinds of comments without taking things to personal, okay? It would be healthier for you.
    When I feel down I go runnning, even tho the weather isn’t that great, I put on my shoes and go for a walk, with Spotify on “All good” playlist. I also read when I’m full of negativity I try either philosophy (Seneca, especially) or adventure (I recently finished Moonfleet). And the best thing that lifts me up is having coffee with my beloved one. Even it’s just us one a bench.

    1. Anja says: Author

      Yeah, doing my best on that, but its not always so easy. It is good idea with reading, I will give it a go as well. I think that reading is good for everything πŸ™‚ Thanks for stopping by! Have a good day!

  6. What a great post. It is unfortunate most of us get down with one negative feedback compared to many positive ones. Apparently it has something to do with back in the days, when we were pre disposition to dangers in the wilderness so our senses are heightened to protect our bodies. Thank you for this lovely post and can’t wait for more posts, negative or positive πŸ™‚ And yes, nice mules πŸ˜‰

  7. Lux G. says:

    You can never please everybody. I’ve learned to just focus on my audience, to those whom you write for, those who need to hear your words, those who appreciate. There will always be critics no matter what.

    Love those shoes!

    1. Anja says: Author

      This is very true. Thanks for sharing this. It seems obvious, but every now and than I need to remind it to myself.

  8. TakToJa says:

    I just wanted to say that those frou-frou shoesies remind me of Steve Irwin’s death.

    No negativity here, just association

  9. First off your hair looks lovely as do the slip ons. I think we are naturally wired to worry. So even in the face of a million positives, we worry about a negative. Not everyone will like what we put out there so we need to brace ourselves for that negative when it happens. Have a lovely week ahead.

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